Date #2 - The Jack Ass

It takes a couple of rounds of phone tag for us to actually connect.  That might be why I prefer texting, it’s naturally more efficient and allows for multi-tasking.  The fact that he refuses to text through the specifics of a date and, I therefore have to be sitting in wait of at least one of his return calls, is already grating on my nerves.  The fact that he says “Wow, calling you is like trying to get in touch with the president of the United States” makes me want to chalk this one up to “No Way In Hell”.

But, the spirit of this blog, and whole experience really, is to take chances and meet as many new people as possible.  So I go with it.  Even after he manages to mention his ex-fiance no less than three times in a span of 4 minutes, I go with it.  When he vetoes my first suggestion for a meeting place because his Ex lives within 50 feet of it….I continue to go with it.  This is going to be the guy to ask the ever popular, unanswerable “So why are you single?”  I can just feel it.

So you can’t really blame me for getting a little boozy at brunch before I meet him can you?  

Ok, I did have a few drinks during the day but by the time I had to be ready I was, just about, perfectly fine. 

 I’m sure to get to the place first this time so he has to find me.  And in walks a guy who looks VAGUELY like his pictures.  Recognizable but the pictures are clearly……hmmm……old pictures.  

In the words of an old friend (or maybe it was Sex and the City – I can’t remember) this guy “has his light on”.  In other words he’s ready for the whole thing.  Right now.  The house, the kids, mowing the lawn and exciting nights IN folding laundry and drinking Bud Heavies out of the can.  

This theory is proven by his first question out of the gate “Do you want a family, you know, kids and stuff”…..Now I respect this line of questioning because I do, after all, love being efficient.  If you know what you want, why not just put it out there?  No point in wasting time with someone who isn’t on the same page.  I just would have liked a little more, I don’t know, alcohol maybe? Before having to answer a question like that.

So I…blink and open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out.  The pause gives him a chance to launch into “Because you know some girls start getting into their 40s and decide they don’t want kids and would rather go shopping for a Coach bag or spend all day at brunch”   

Am I that person?? I think might be that person!

Then “You’re not one of those girls who like to go out and get hammered and swing her bra around on the bar right?”

I can solemnly swear I’ve never removed my bra, in a bar.  But only because I wasn’t there the night my girlfriends did.  

And, finally, the knock-out punch “You’re pretty, why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

Now it’s pretty evident that this date is going nowhere so I’ll tell you what I’m thinking after he asks this question:

1. If I had a good answer to that, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you, jackass
2. It implies because I'm "pretty" there must be some innate defect
3. What does it matter why, here I am and it's your lucky day. 
4. You're saying "why are you single" and I'm hearing "why didn't you cook my dinner b*tch"?

      I’m not sure why this question bothers me so much aside from it is condescending and stupid.  Does anyone ask this question of men?  It’s as if being single is a choice for men but an affliction for women.  Like I’m not holding up to my societal obligations because I’m not cooking some loser’s dinner.

Or maybe I’m over reacting.  Please feel free to post your thoughts on this in the comments.

Two down.  A few dates this week that seem interesting and I’m not dreading, so that’s a step in the right direction!